I wanted to write a post aimed on fears and phobias as I sadly let them absolutely torture me and control me which isn't good at all. My best friend and I used to be ABSOLUTELY UTTERLY PETRIFIED OF DOGS.. I’m sorry for shouting but I really had to emphasise that so that you could get a little feel of just how scared we were. There was this one time where my best friend and I were walking down this peaceful road on a rare sunny afternoon in London. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, we were talking about everything and anything as we can make a conversation out of absolutely nothing which I’m sure most of us girls do.. and as we were on our way minding our own business a dog and its owner had just turned the corner and it was walking directly to us.
In this time all I had done was take a breath, blink and waited for my brain to send the signal to my body to turn to my best friend so we could freak out in sync, but little did I know my best friend was a few steps ahead of me as she had bolted across the road, jumped over a fence that was pretty high may I add and ran straight through the park. I then completely shut down and stood so still and just prayed that the dog would not see me. Then as the dog and its owner were just passing by me the dog had looked in my direction. THAT.WAS.IT.. my body had regained consciousness and I RAN FOR THE HILLS.
What was so hilarious about this situation is that we both tried to justify that our actions were completely normal, and that we did nothing wrong when in reality we both bolted across a road where we could have been killed, jumped over a fence which was half our height and then ran into a park where there could have been 10 times the amount of dogs *sigh*
So the point of this blog is to tell you all that fears and phobias are dangerous and do nothing but scare us and make us look stupid, that’s not fair is it. I also hated the fact that I couldn't like dogs as from a far they looked cute and entertaining, so I decided that I wasn't going to allow myself to fear dogs anymore and I took it one step at a time of unfearing them (yes I just said that and I’m not even sure it’s a word) so that meant not running across the road for my life.. whilst risking my life just to get away from a dog, and it actually started to work.
My family also made me really want to like dogs as they all loved dogs and I thought if they love dogs surely it’s in my DNA to love dogs too.. right? Fast forwarding a couple of years it was approaching my 17th birthday and my mum was asking me what I wanted and I really had no clue so she suggested a dog.. I then looked at her in this exact way -_- and said nothing as I thought my silence would give her the time she needed to remember that I was a recovering scared of dogs person and that it would be too much to have a dog.. in my house.. my safe place where it could kill me if it wanted to.
I then left the situation alone and thought about how ridiculous it was then after hours of that I started to imagine having a dog. This was just a short clip of Santa’s Little Helper from The Simpsons being the best dog in the world and I yelled “Mum I want a dog for my birthday, thanks love you”. We then looked for dogs on a number of different sites and I was completely out of my depth. There were so many decisions to make what breed did I want, do I want a boy or a girl, do I want a puppy or an adult dog, how much was I willing to spend etc. So I just decided to leave the decision in the hands of my good friend Google I then searched something along the lines of “cute dog for sale” (no I’m not joking) I then got distracted for about an hour looking at all these cute dog pictures then I somehow found myself on YouTube watching “funny dog videos” and felt invincible, I was then really excited about the process and started researching breeds and benefits of different types of dogs and ages and which gender was best to have and after days upon days I found a lady on the loot selling a Jack Russell terrier puppy that was 5 months old and the puppy looked adorable. I was completely sold at this point and actually felt quite excited I also thought to myself well this is a great start that my dog will be a puppy so it will grow up with me and will be forced to love me so it won’t kill me in my sleep.
The next day I showed my Mum and she was sold on the puppy too so we called the lady and she agreed to meet us and give us the puppy (When I say us I mean my poor Dad who had to go pick the puppy up all by himself as I was still a tad bit nervous) She had traveled to Luton where my Dad was off to for a job (luckily) and everything went smoothly, my Dad then brought the puppy home and my Mum and I eagerly ran outside as my dad had arrived. I took a look at the puppy and felt this warm feeling inside.. then it passed immediately and I thought to myself shit what have I done, the fear came rushing back and I started to panic and I couldn't even get him out of the car so my Mum had to do it. We then took him upstairs and he walked straight into my room and took a long piss on my nice and clean floor and turned to look at me as if to say I think you’ll find I run shit around here now.
After cleaning my room, taking the puppy for a walk, giving him a shower and some food and water he then walked over to his bed and took a long nap. I tried to creep up on him to observe his presence but of course his super hearing meant that he heard me a mile off and he just stared at me with the cutest puppy dog eyes as if to say I’m so cute how can you not love me I’m so serious guys it was actually the cutest look ever.. cuter then puss in boots from Shrek! I then plucked up the courage to kneel down and stroke him super-fast and he didn't do anything but lean over and sniff my hand he then rolled back over and resumed his nap and I though yep I've passed the test he’s not going to kill me in my sleep I can sleep easy tonight, Marina 1 - Puppy 0.
Fast forwarding to this present day we decided to name the puppy Cookie, I absolutely love him to pieces he is the most friendliest, protective, fun, playful, funny dog ever and I am so glad he is in my life, looking back to that memory with my best friend with that dog I honestly shake my head in shame that I was such a chicken when dogs are actually the most loyal pet you could ever own. I am now one of those people who gets to laugh at others when they run away from Cookie yay it’s not me but I do sympathise with them as I do remember exactly what it feels like to fear dogs.. it isn't fun and it’s something that a lot of us suffer from but the good news is that you don’t have to fear anything in this world the only person who can set you free from fear is YOU your mind convinces you that you are so scared of something when really If you took all that energy that you use fearing something and turned it into not fearing anything you will be rather surprised at how many fears you conquer.. as it’s the new year and we’re all feeling invincible as you do for a short amount of time in the new year use this time to control your fear and BEAT IT!! Beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it.. see what I did there hahaa gotta love a bit of M.J.
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| "Hi, I',m Cookie.. Woof Woof" |
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
Lots of Love.. Mx
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